Looking Back
by EmilyTheRose
Summary: I'm trying to see how it happened. How we got to this point, Mamoru and I. Hate, like, love. What happened to us? What's going to happen? R&R!


Kays, not my best but not the worst. Tell me what you think and whatnot, kays? Reviews make me update!

* * *

Over and over. Again and again. He's there. In my thoughts, by my side. Always there. No matter what I do. But...do I want him there? Here? With me? How can things change so much?

I see him, I want to dance. I see him, I want to cry. I hate him, I love him. It's just too hard to decide anymore. It used be so crystal clear. It was all set out in stone and so routine. Well, as routine as my life could be. Being Sailor Moon can't really be called your average after school activity. A heroine of justice and trying to achieve peace on earth and such, I'm not your every day, run of the mill girl.

My name is Tsukino Usagi. Or...it was. Now, I'm not so sure. Maybe I should start at the beginning. It might make a little more sense.

* * *

"WILL YOU JUST MOVE?"

"YOU FIRST BAKA!"

"THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDN'T EAT LIKE A PIG!"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT!"

Both of us were trying to squeeze through the arcade door but it didn't seem to working out.

See, how is started was Mamo-baka was walking really slow in front of me on the way to the arcade. So, of course, I had to push past the idiot just to get through. Then, he decides to go faster and push by ME! Well, I was NOT going to take that so I do a counter push. THEN it escalated into a mad dash for the arcade and...

We got stuck in the door. Don't. Laugh. Mamo-baka, being the jerk he is, wouldn't move and just let me win. Really, what happened to lady's first? I guess you just can't expect much from him! Chivilary must be dead in his eyes or something like that. What a dork-wad.

So there we are. Flailing like idiots, all Mamoru's fault by the way, while Motoki cautiously made his way over.

"Guys..." he says as he stared at our little scene, which, just to remind you, was all Mamoru-baka's fault.

"WHAT!" we yelled, clearly still flustered.

Motoki shook his head. "Could you go fight somewhere else? Maybe some where where you can't get me fired?" He crossed his arms and looked around at all the people staring, as if one of them was his boss in disgiuse. You know, one of them really could have been. That dude was as crazy as heck...

ANYWAY.

"Well, if Chiba-baka would just move back a bit, I could go in," I said in a sugar sweet voice, trying to sound innocent. (Which I was. Remember, all Mamoru's fault.) The baka in question snorted.

"Why can't you just move back Odango?" He tried to cross his arms with Motoki but then probably remembered one of his arms was still trapped outside. I sniggered, just to get on his nerves. I mean, it was his fault, right?

"Because I got here first! Duh!" Motoki rolled his eyes at both of us.

"Fine, I'll solve this for you." He went over to Mamoru and kicked his shin. Mamoru howled and gripped his leg, then fell backwards.

I was paralyzed with laughter. I held up my hand to Motoki for a high five before he kicked my shin too. Man, he kicks HARD. I'll bet that bruise is still there to this day. Needless to say, I ended up following my dark haired enemy's example. Motoki clapped the imaginary dust off his hands before letting the sliding doors close. Even outside I could hear the applause from the customers.

"Ow!" My eyes welled up with tears. That had hurt SO BAD. Mamoru, almost over the initial pain, limped over to me.

"Here, lemme see." He reached forward and looked over my shin. "Don't worry, he didn't kick you nearly as hard as he kicked me. I think he drew blood with mine..." He lifted his pant leg and I cringed. He was right. You could tell just by looking Motoki had been pretty rough. Really rough. I made a mental note not to kick him there. For a while anyway.

I sniffled, trying to suck it up like him. I could be just as strong. I was Sailor Moon! I mean, I had to just become Sailor Moon a little while ago. But I wasn't as new as Mercury...even if she was probably better at the whole senshi thing than me...

"Motoki has just become public enemy number one on my list. What about you?" Mamoru held out his hand to help me up. I took it and smiled evily.

"Definetly."

* * *

Yeah, our first alliance. Or so we thought. Apperently, ther were tons of other times, though. So many, many other times we had fought side by side. We just didn't know it. And that's what makes things so complicated. So...frustrating.

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" I cryed as I dodged yet another youma attack. This one was some sort of pencil...thing. The bad guys were getting kind of creative now. Still, it was strong. Almost too strong for me back then. This had to have been only my third battle or so. And Ami-chan was at cram school. I couldn't interupt that. Looking back, I see I probably should have.

* * *

I think this is one of the clearer battles. I remember it so well. Maybe...because it was the first time we really got to talk. Sure, we'd have the whole "Now Sailor Moon!" thing but that didn't really count. Even if it made me blush like mad. Tee-hee.

* * *

"Sailor Moon! Watch your back!" yelled out Luna. Luna was always telling me to watch my back, but I think she watched it for me most of the time. Anyway, I listened to her, nodded quickly, and lept out of the way of another over-sharpened pencil.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" By now I was breathing hard. The monster was wearing me down quick. Perhaps that was it's plan.

"Can't...give...up..." One of my knees started to sink to the ground in exaustion. Slowly, the giant pencil...thing came up over me, ready to strike.

A single rose flew down in front of it. Confused, the monster looked around.

"Up here lead head!" A caped figure shouted from a high up window.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" I shouted in a sing-songy voice. The dreamiest man on the planet had come to my rescue once again. I sighed loudly, totally in love.

"Pencils are to used for love letters and...other various writing oriented...activities. Okay, well, in my defense this one is hard to make a speech for," he said rubbing his head embarrassed.

I shrugged. "I don't really blame you. It's like you need one for all of them. I just have a pre-planned speach I use all the time."

Tuxedo opened his mouth to speak but the monster cut him off.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Million of pencils flew everywhere. There was no avoiding all of them. I had mangaged to dodge two or three but one was heading straight toward my head. I covered my face, knowing I could get past it. When I didn't feel the impact I looked up to see my masked hero twirling is cane to block them, saving us both.

"Sailor Moon! Now!" That was the usual signal. I gave him a quick nod, like I had done to Luna, and grunt before I set up my usual attack sequence.

"MOON...TIARA...MAGIC!" I shouted with all my un-necessary twirls and such. Those are always fun to do. If the whole Sailor Moon thing didn't work out I could just be a gymnast.

The monster was dusted, Luna gave a pleased purr, yada yada yada. That's not the point of this snip it of my career.

Tuxedo was walking away but I ran up to him and grabbed his sleeve. He stopped, surprised, and turned to me. I was pretty surprised too, so I looked at my bright red boots nervously.

"Ummm...thank you," I said lamely, "for saving my life." I looked up into his eyes, or what I could see of them behind his mask. I let go of his sleeve carefully and I could feel my cheeks getting a little red, I just hoped he wouldn't notice. "You always seem to...come to my rescue." It was more of a question than a statement. He caught that. He was such a smartie cakes. (And a cutie pie. Wow, anyone else getting hungry?)

"Rest assured, I'll always save you. It's my mission." I'm betting he thought he was making sense, like I would get it better than anyone. I didn't. But hey, why tell him that? I nodded along anyway and he left.

Luna plodded up to me. "Don't trust him so much. You can never be too sure Usagi. He could very well be an enemy" I shook my head furiously.

"Luna, he's okay. I just know it. I-" I paused. I love him wasn't the right thing to say to her. Besides, I couldn't already. That'd just be too weird. "I believe in him," I finished.

"Just don't get too involved with that man."

* * *

I don't listen very well. Or maybe it was some messed up way I was trying to rebel against Luna. I don't know. Either way, I still kept on loving him. Now, I know almost for sure that really was love. I thought he was the one. Until Mamoru-baka started to look so different. Heart thumpingly different. Wow, I just can't explain how it happened. But, just for you, I'll try anyway.

* * *

He scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it out to me. "Here, it's my address. It should be easier for you to find than the libary. Come over tomorrow after school and we'll...um..."

"Plot," I provided ignoring the whole library comment. "Sounds good. My parents would kill me if I brought a guy home. Well, I guess you'd be okay though. You're not really a guy...not even in the male species..." Okay, so I didn't ignore the libary comment entirely. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'm a girl. Hahahaha. Anyway-"

"An it," I corrected smirking.

He sighed, clearly irritated. "Do you want to get revenge for your shin or not?" I nodded reluctently. God, that still hurt whenever I touched it just a little. I could only imagine how his was.

"Fine, I'll be there." I grabbed the peice of paper with his address on it and ran all the way home. Somehow, my heart wouldn't stop beating so fast. I ran, I think, to make myself believe it was the running that got my heart pumping. Rather, it was something else. Someone else. Someone too complicated.

I wonder if I knew that back then.

* * *

Have the next chapter all written out. Just needs edited. At least 5 reviews and I'll edit a bit quicker. WAHAHAHA! Seriously, if you read it, review it for me. Critism is allowed too! (Not flames. Flamers must die.) 


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